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Blogstream  >  Random Thoughts  >  Blog

The Dog House

Monday March 5, 2007

Ya Try To Be Frugal and Where Does It Get Ya?

...Well, that is THE LAST TIME I'm going to buy yogurt out of the trunk of some guy's car in the parking lot.

Next time, you can be sure I'm going to go in the store and pay the extra 20 cents.

(Ok...so I'm kidding. I didn't really do that. I just thought that an imaginary black market yogurt deal in some random dimly lit parking lot was funny. But that's just me.)

Well first of all, any substance that can't decide whether it's pudding, ice cream, or sour cream is just suspect in my opinion. Ohhhhh yes, yogurt will bob and weave and tell you that it is a distinct and beneficial dairy product, but I still don't trust it. Ohhhhh yes, it sits and waits, with an expiration date of...say 4 to 6 weeks down the road...lulling you into a passive sense of security.

But then you open it. Things are happening in that container. Not pretty things, mind you. Stuff is separating and forming a ring of curious liquid around the edge of the container...like a placenta for some alien about to hatch and jump out to burrow into your brain through your nostrils.

I always sniff yogurt before I eat it. I don't know why. It just warrants sniffing. My former workout partner used to sniff every single forkful of his food before he ate it, when we went out to eat after the gym. That used to drive me fucking crazy. It was the most annoying habit I have ever witnessed in another human.

So anyways...."Fruit on the Bottom"...??? What's THAT shit all about? Just another subliminal message so the "Man" can keep the gay guys down, right? Uh huh.

I'm on to you, yogurt. You bettah check yo'self.

Sniff. Sniff.

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